In Memorium In Advance.

Fucking sick of feeling like this. I honestly want to end myself.
Nothing ever goes right. Nothing ever works in my favour.
I don't believe in "soulmates", "true love" or "forever" anymore; that shit is so overrated and "love" is all based on a pretty face and a decent rack, not someone's personality.
I'm almost always tired now. I'm almost always working. I get two days off a week, and even then, I'm always busy on them.
My best friend lives a fucking ocean away. I wish she was here, because I'm so lonely.
And before you all go "You've got Mello!", what Mello and I have isn't what it used to be, and I blame The Girlfriend for that.
We used to be so much closer, but now...ugh, I miss it.
I'm just so fucking sick of feeling so empty and alone, and I've had this feeling for so long.
I'm always second best.
I'm never ever good enough.
I feel like running away, but I have nowhere to run to.
Maybe the world would be a better place without some useless bag of nothingness like me.
Because honestly...
When everything is gone, when everything has fallen out of place, who will remember me?
Probably no one.

I just wish for an end to this.
I just want to be happy.
Yeah, that's what I want for my birthday...to be happy. It won't happen though. It never happens.
And the more I think about this post, the more it does seem to be a memorium in advance.

So if anything does happen, please remember me as the girl who fell head over heels for her best friend, the girl who had a strange obsession with people that didn't exist and the girl who loved to draw and write.
And dear God, please remember me when I was happy?

Oh well.
Transmission over.

xo BB

PS. I'm naming everyone after Death Note characters now, incase anyone finds this and figures out who I am and wonder why the hell I'm being so horrible about them.